Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
