I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
