I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
