Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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