I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
