I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
