Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
