i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
