Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
