she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
