apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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