I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
only you would photoshop your dick
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
