There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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