i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
