just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
