i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
