I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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