her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
