I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
