thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
