I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
