something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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