somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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