why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm passing your future prison.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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