GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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