you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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