so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
