i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
