I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
