Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
