One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Enjoy the penises
Randomize