He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
