$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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