I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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