I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
