in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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