So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just google imaged poop.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
