i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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