I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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