I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
