Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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