I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
