I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
