You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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