I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
