i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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