Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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