Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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