just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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