never play flip cup with pint glasses
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
