just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
