woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I AM VODKA MAN
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
