he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
