I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
