after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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