What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
