It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize