This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
