The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
