i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
