i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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