so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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