we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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