remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
