just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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