I'm laying in your front yard are you home
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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