I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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