Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize