omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize